Hey Clementine!

I know you love surprises so here’s one. This letter is for you, Mumma Clem!😉

All this while, as I’ve been sharing memories from my life with our daughter, naturally I’ve been thinking about you as well. But this time my endeavor led me to something that I knew I had to share with you.

Remember last year when you said to me, “Eyes say it all” and I asked you to prove it? You gave the example of the kindness you saw in my eyes when I held the door for you even before we knew each other, unlike many other people who had done so before me. And though I dismissed your point that day, honestly even I believe that “eyes say it all.” I guess I was ashamed of telling you how that kindness came to me because it was not always so.

In the second semester of college, I was frustrated with not getting any girl to date. So, I researched a bit and landed in the realm of pick-up artists. Most of the advice was too radical to try for an introvert like me, but one day I stumbled upon a tip that seemed easy to try. To paraphrase, it said, “The notion that ‘girls find nice guys unattractive’ is a myth! Just hold the door for them and you will see.” This struck a chord with me, because, as a child, I had a habit of holding doors for strangers and greeting them (but somehow it became less frequent in college).

So, I put the advice to use the next day. I held the door open for a girl walking right behind me on my way to the class but instead, the janitor came in from nowhere. Maybe I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not notice him. But to my surprise, he paused and thanked me with a smile. I could feel from the gratitude in his voice that he was not used to such gestures.

Before I could think any further, the girl came in as well and smiled at me. I was on seventh heaven! Not because she thanked me, as I was expecting that anyway (lol), but because I could see in her eyes that she really liked how I held the door for the janitor. I felt so lucky at that moment! A few minutes later, as the janitor was leaving our class, he smiled at me again with a “Have a good day” sort of look (he was there to check the projector or something).

I don’t remember what class it was, but I had learned a great lesson about the nature of the good done without expectations vs with expectations. When we help others with expectations, the act becomes transactional, and most people can feel that lack of love. Above all, when we operate under expectations, we risk becoming ungrateful.

Think about a time you were helped by someone you already expected help from. Did you feel grateful for their actions? And even if you did, I’m sure most people don’t. A good example is the sense of entitlement that people carry on their flat faces when a steward gets a cold drink for them or a cleaner picks up their garbage. Do expectations deprive us of our human touch?

But if we operate with an unbiased mind, one free of expectations, gratefulness comes naturally. It’s indeed a miracle to see how one human helps another to keep this world running and how our lives are deeply connected. How can you not fall in love with others? And I think it was exactly this love that kept the janitor wishing me good morning every day since then and so did I. It made my day, no matter what I was dealing with, and I’m sure he felt the same 😊

I feel that deep within we all want to help each other but our conditioning or sense of entitlement holds us back. A human is a human, whether a beggar on the street, or a star on the red carpet, and we all are full of love. Love devoid of any expectations, the one that makes us human. And it is this love that makes me hold doors for others or help them in whatever way I can. Some thank me, some don’t, but that does not bother me, because it is not their appreciation I seek, but the satisfaction that comes from helping a fellow human. We are all in this together.

Also, to this day, I don’t know whom to thank for this the most, the pick-up artist for the suggestion, myself for trying, that girl for motivating me, or the janitor to randomly enter. But for sure it made me appreciate the interconnection of our lives even more and why embracing life’s randomness is sometimes the best choice.

And if you’re wondering who that girl was, all I can tell for now is that you know her very well. I’ll leave the rest of the story for when we meet 😜 Ok bye!

Take care, my love.