As we saw earlier, most of our beliefs are formed during childhood and borrowed from our elders. One such example of how our words can impact the mindset of children is shared by Carol Dweck in her TED talk. She says:
I heard about a high school in Chicago where students had to pass a certain number of courses to graduate, and if they didn’t pass a course, they got the grade “Not Yet.” And I thought that was fantastic, because if you get a failing grade, you think, I’m nothing, I’m nowhere. But if you get the grade “Not Yet” you understand that you’re on a learning curve. It gives you a path into the future.
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We can praise wisely, not praising intelligence or talent. That has failed. Don’t do that anymore. But praising the process that kids engage in: their effort, their strategies, their focus, their perseverance, their improvement. This process of praise creates kids who are hardy and resilient.
In general, when we give kids hope of improvement and don’t stress on their results, we inculcate a growth mindset. They realize that their results are not definitive, and they can change their future. But when we make everything about results and grades, children develop a fixed mindset. They are terrified of the present and lose hope in the future. Such children, studies show, are more likely to cheat in exams, feel jealous, and even look for others who did worse than them to feel good about themselves.
Ultimately, kids are a clean slate to write the story of humanity’s future. Pour words of trust and hope into them, and you create such a future, but impart a sense of limitation and jealousy, and so will be the future.
And why limit this growth-promoting language to kids? Apply it to your self-talk as well. When you face a setback or don’t get the desired outcome, don’t call it a “failure,” rather tell yourself that you are “not yet” there.
Just focus on the process, and results will follow 😊
A Word of Caution
Now all the positive talk aside, there are a few things to take care of:
1. Do not lie:
By definition, there is no proof for a belief to be true or false. But never form a belief based on lies. A belief detached from reality is a delusion
For example, if you skip classes telling yourself “Everything happens for good,” you are digging your own grave
2. Beware of bulk deals:
Not all limiting beliefs come from the education system. Many more come from society
In general, beware of any bulk of beliefs that are downloaded by virtue of your upbringing in an environment, like religion, political views, etc.
3. Keep a healthy dose of skepticism:
Avoid extreme optimism, ignoring all the negative signs
Over-optimism can make you oversee obvious risks and lead to grave mistakes
Instead, aim for a good balance of skepticism and optimism, with more weightage to the latter