Marcus Aurelius writes, “Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together but do so with all your heart.”

As we commit to a life mission on the path to individuation, life throws more challenges at us than we expect. And in this stage, we run the risk of falling for another pitfall: blame.

Apart from self-acceptance, individuation also requires increased acceptance of our circumstances and the ones close to us, particularly of our family members. Jung emphasized that far too much time is wasted entangled in “boring family drama.” As we play the victim, finding respite from life’s challenges seeking pity for our circumstances, or trying to find out why we were mistreated, we restrict our own growth, for we forget that life does not owe us an explanation.

Unless there is a trauma we are yet to come to terms with, we are better off moving forward on the path we picked than digging up the past to justify why we cannot move further. As Jung writes, “But no matter how much the parents and grandparents may have sinned against the child, the man who is really adult will accept these sins as his own condition which has to be reckoned with. Only a fool is interested in other people’s guilt since he cannot alter it. The wise man learns only from his own guilt.”

Achievement is of secondary importance, what matters is that our challenges help us reconcile with the otherwise repressed aspects of our psyche. By virtue of its randomness, life can present immense challenges which might be impossible to overcome, but this does not mean we are bound to a life of ignorance and suffering. In such cases, we need to accept the situation and shift energy from the now impossible task to another mission. This is totally fine, just like how rivers either cut through the mountains or shift their own course.

But before shifting the focus, we must question whether it is due to the nature of the challenge or our moral incapacity. More often than we would accept, it is our laziness or lack of courage that holds us back but we try to shield our ego by blaming the nature of obstacles. But still, the more we do this, the more we erode our ego. This eventually not only derails us from individuation but also kills our spirit for future endeavors.

On the other hand, coming to terms with our close ones and circumstances strengthens the sense of responsibility in us. With no rock to hide behind, the onus of our reconciliation with self is on us.

In a way, by exposing our vulnerability, we master our destiny🌊